Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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