Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
