from now on my penis is your penis
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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