what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
