Got a toothbrush?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
