And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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