ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
