I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
