I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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