ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
