Who did Billy Mays play for?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
