So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
