listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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