Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Is that strawberry winking at me??
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
