How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
