this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
