the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
