I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
