I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
