Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
