My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
How's work?
Spinning.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
