Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
