Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
