took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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