guys are not supposed to queef...right?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
