im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
