I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize