I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
