420 ftw
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
