i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
