I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
