I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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