And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
