so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
