i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
