They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
