the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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