he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I think my moral compass just broke
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
