my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
