she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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