I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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