would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
