My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
