I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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