i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
