Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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