im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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