I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
