I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
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My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
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I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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