I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
