Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
