Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
