I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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