i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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