almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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