So drunk its hurt
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
