so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
