I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
