Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
