I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
