I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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