East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
