Heybabeimwearingurpanties
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
