people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
