I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I am puke
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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