Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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