It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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