It's Friday. Sex?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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