apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
