Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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