He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
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There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
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Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar