these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
