People in love make me want to vomit
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know