Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.